The Relational Heart of EMDR Therapy
EMDR therapy is best known for its structured, evidence-based approach to reprocessing trauma. But for many clients – especially those with early experiences of neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving – the real work often goes beyond symptom reduction. At its core, healing can be about feeling safe and connected in relationships, sometimes for the first time.
Working relationally in EMDR
Taking a relational approach in EMDR means recognising that the therapeutic relationship isn’t just a backdrop. It’s the foundation of trauma work. It involves staying attuned to what a client is experiencing moment to moment, showing up consistently, and offering a steady, thoughtful presence. For clients who haven’t had the experience of feeling emotionally supported, this kind of connection can be reparative in itself, alongside the healing that EMDR trauma reprocessing can facilitate.
More than just technique
It’s easy to focus on the technical aspects of EMDR therapy – the eight phases of the standard protocol, scripts from training, and how we deliver bilateral stimulation. But therapy is more than a set of procedures. Clients bring their whole selves into the room, including their attachment histories and relational patterns. It’s not unusual for process issues or transference and countertransference to emerge during EMDR therapy. Rather than seeing these moments as problems or surprises, we can approach them with curiosity and use them to deepen the therapeutic process.
Imaginative repair and internal change
For some clients, a helpful way to work with relational wounds is through imaginative repair. This might involve visualising a younger version of themselves receiving the care they needed but didn’t get, such as being believed, comforted, or protected. It gives clients the opportunity to revisit painful memories and offer their younger selves the understanding and support they didn’t receive at the time.
These experiences can be deeply reparative. They help clients access compassion and begin to shift internal narratives shaped by earlier relationships. Rather than simply reducing distress, this work can strengthen a person’s sense of self and help them relate to themselves and others in new, more secure ways.
For clients with complex trauma, resourcing work often plays a key role in allowing EMDR therapy to proceed safely and effectively. Installing internal or imagined resource figures, practising co-regulation, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a source of stability can all help to build a sense of emotional safety. These practices don’t just prepare clients for trauma processing, they also have inherent value, fostering resilience and self-compassion.
Holding space is part of the work
It’s not just about whether a client is ready to process trauma – we also need to consider whether we’re ready to go there with them. Are we grounded enough, regulated enough, and present enough to offer the support they might need?
This capacity to hold space is central to the work. It creates the conditions for clients to bring more vulnerable or defended parts of themselves into the room. When that happens, we’re better placed to support meaningful change—not just in how clients feel, but in how they relate to themselves and others.
EMDR therapy is more than eye movements and protocols. The relational component matters just as much. When we bring steadiness, warmth, and flexibility into the room, we’re not just facilitating trauma reprocessing—we’re offering a relational experience that, in itself, can be part of what helps clients heal.
If you’re interested in thinking more about relational dynamics in EMDR therapy, there’s a useful research article on ResearchGate that explores transference and countertransference in EMDR sessions. It offers thoughtful guidance on how these dynamics can arise and how to work with them in a constructive, attuned way. Click here to access the article.
I'm Caroline Burrows, an Accredited EMDR Trainer and Consultant. I’m passionate about bridging the gap between EMDR training and clinical practice. If you're looking to learn EMDR therapy for the first time, enhance your EMDR skills, or navigate challenges in your EMDR clinical work, I offer training workshops, on-demand webinars, and consultation. I would love to support your EMDR learning journey.
